My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood. This is my street. This is my life. I am 42 years old. In less than a year, I will be dead. Of course, I don’t know that yet, and in a way, I’m dead already. Look at me, jerking off in the shower. This will be the highlight of my day. It’s all downhill from he Burberry Outlet re Burberry Outlet . That’s my wife Carolyn. See the way the handle on those pruning shears match her gardening clogs? That’s not an accident. That’s our neighbor, Jim, and that’s his lover, Jim. Man, I get exhausted just watching her. She wasn’t always like this. She used to be happy. We used to be happy. My daughter, Jane. Only child. Janie’s a pretty typical teenager angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that’s all going to pass, but I don’t want to lie to her. Both my wife and daughter think I’m this gigantic loser. And they’re right. I have lost something. I’m not exactly sure what it is, but I know I didn’t always feel this sedated. But you know what? It’s never too late to get it back.
Smile! You’re at Mr. Smiley’s.
It’s a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you’ve forgotten about.
Remember those posters that said, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life”? Well, that’s true of every day but one the day Burberry Outlet you die.
I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn’t a second at all. It stretches on forever, like an ocean of time. For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout Camp, watching falling stars. [Gunshot] And yellow leaves from the maple trees that lined our street. [Gunshot] Or my grandmother’s hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I saw my cousin Tony’s brand new Firebird. And Janie, and Janie. And Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry. You will someday.
[To Jane] Honey, I’m so proud of you. I watched you very closely! You didn’t screw up once!
[To herself] Stop it! Shut up! You’re weak! You baby! Shut up!
My company sells an image. It’s part of my job to live that image.
[To Jane] You cannot count on anyone except yourself.
[to Janey] Do you want to see the most beautiful thing I’ve ever filmed? It was one of those days when it’s a minute away from snowing, and there’s this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was just, dancing with me, like a little kid beggin’ me to play with it for fifteen minutes. And that’s the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know that there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video’s a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember I need to remember. Sometimes, there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it, like my heart is just going to cave in.
[To Angela, after she calls Jane ugly] Yes you are. And you’re boring. And totally ordinary. And you know it.
In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times.
Janie: Sorry I’m late.
Carolyn: No, that’s quite all right, dear. Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Pass the asparagus.
Carolyn: [laughing] Your father seems to think this kind of behavior is something to be proud of!
Lester: And your mother seems to prefer I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a Mason jar under the sink.
Carolyn: How dare you speak to me that way in front of her. And I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me, on the same day that you lose your job.
Lester: I didn’t lose it. It’s not like, “Whoops! Where’d my job go?” I quit! Pass the asparagus.
Carolyn: Oh! Oh! Oh! And I want to thank you for putting me under the added pressure of being the sole breadwinner now!
Lester: I already have a job.
Carolyn: No, no, don’t give a second thought as to who’s gonna pay the mortgage. We’ll just leave it all up to Carolyn! You mean you’re gonna take care of everything now, Carolyn? Yes. I don’t mind, I really don’t. You mean everything? You don’t mind having the sole responsibility, your husband feels he can just quit his job and you don’t
Lester: [overlapping] Will someone please pass me the fucking asparagus?
Jane: [standing] Okay, guys, I’m not gonna be a part of this.
Lester: Sit down! [Janie sits. Lester stands up, walks to the other side of the table, picks up th Burberry Outlet e plate of asparagus, then sits back down] I am sick and tired of being treated like I don’t exist. You two do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it, and I don’t complain. Now all I want is the same
Carolyn: [interrupting] Oh, you don’t complain? Oh please! Excuse me! Excuse me! I must be psychotic, then! If you don’t complain, what is this? [Lester stands with the asparagus plate in his hand] Yeah, let’s bring in the laugh meter and see how loud it gets on that one. You don’t compl