Stan Smith: [picks up the phone] This is Stan Smith.
Principal Lewis: Mr. Smith, I’m afraid there’s a problem with your son.
Stanley Smith: Oh, God, he’s gay. This is it. This is the gay call. I’ve been ready for this for years. [takes out a vial and starts chugging down pills]
Principal Lewis: Uhh, no. It’s just that he’s gone mad with power. He evacuated the entire school and barricaded himself in my office.
Stan Smith: I see. [foam starts coming out of his mouth] Henry, antidote.
Stan Smith: Francine, you be careful when out there today; we’re at terror alert orange! Which means something could go down somewhere in some way at some point in time, SO LOOK SHARP!
Hayley Smith: Burberry Outlet You know, Dad, it’s great that you and your CIA buddies have made up some fun little way to keep the masses paralyzed in fear.
Stan Smith: You like shaving your armpits, Hayley? Huh? ‘Cause if the terrorists take over this country, that’s Burberry Outlet the first thing to go! [the toaster pops up its products and Stan quickly takes out his gun and shoots it numerous times, destroying the toaster and nearly the toast]
Hayley Smith: [staring at Stan in shock with the rest of the family] It’s just toast, Dad. This one will be mine. [claims the shot up toast]
Girl: Hey, I love your dog.
Guy: Hey, want to come back to my apartment and pet my schnauzer?
Guy: And then we can play with this dog. finger thing because that’s a giant load of crap!
Hayley Smith: Oh my God. Dad, why is H Burberry Outlet ilary Du Burberry Outlet ff in our house?
Stan Smith: Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with Steve.
Steve Smith: Hilary, could you pass the salt?
Stan Smith: [holding gun to her head] Pass him the salt.
Stan Smith: Hilary, look out for the mines! [off screen explosion] What did I just say? You heard me. What did I just say?
Steve Smith: You said, “Look out for the mines.”
Stan Smith: I said, “Look out for the mines.”
Stan Smith: Rigging elections is my bread and butter, Roger. You know how many votes George Bush actually got in the first election? Seven.
Principal Lewis: Smith! What’s the meaning of this?!
Steve Smith: Principal Lewis, I am taking your office. Pursuant to Pearl Bailey High Statuette 39 F, quote, “The Student Body President can acquisition any room on school premises for the purpose of conducting school business.”